A.I. is here, and it has a knock-knock joke
The spam is getting smarter.
Used to be, I’d log into my websites admin panel and discover I had a couple hundred comments waiting.
Fame! I’d think, quickly opening a browser.
Unfortunately, the comments were never from adoring fans. Mainly they were Viagra ads, worded as if written by a stroke-prone Bob Dole. Randomly generated sentences using a computer that spoke english as its second language would also appear, little treats from the inter web that I steadily deleted.
We played this delightful game of post-and-delete, the spammers and I, with little variation for years. They’d surprise me now and then: sometimes spam written entirely in Russian would appear! I once had someone try to comment the whole Cryllic alphabet to a post. They’d ramble, cajole, implore, trying to woo me into complacency by telling me that my post was “of very valuable information to, a good fins of informative like a journaliss!” I ignored it all, always deleting, always marking as spam, never for a second believing that there might be danger lurking under the praise of my “fins righting.”
That is until today…when I logged in and found a joke waiting.
“Did you hear about the reseraunt opening in India?” It asked. “It’s a new Dehlicatessan. Buy Viagra!”
And with that, I sprayed milk out my nose and realized the bastards had got me. Scrolling down the screen, joke after joke appeared:
“What did the sailors say when they saw the boat full of livestock? Sheep ahoy! Prozac cheap for you.”
“What happened to the tap dancer? He fell into the sink! Get Ambien!”
“Allegra. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.”
And on and on. It was like my grandfather spamming me, or a group of 8-year-olds who moonlighted as Cialias dealers. I can only conclude that the spam has evolved, sending me jokes as they have come to understand that I write comedy, and this blog is primarily a funny one (I’m taking your silence as agreement).
Of course, this can only mean that spam is one step away from developing sentience. Becoming aware of its surroundings, it’s changing it’s tactics–adapting to new situations, learning from past mistakes, asking me what goes black and white and black and white and boom (a nun falling downstairs. Free credit check now!). I see a future where Skynet is real, except for instead of wiping out humanity the robots will steal your social security number and buy large amounts of gas with your credit card.
A.I. is here my friends–and it’s discovering puns. Or, as the evolving intelligence known as “Florintanecagh@Adderol.Net” says: “Why do birds fly south? Because it sure beats driving.”