Jay-Z n ME

Jay-Z n ME

My name is Josie. You may have figured that out by spending two seconds on this website. Or you may already know me (hi!). In any case, people who don’t know my name–strangers I talk to on the phone, in building lobbies, at the grocery store, at the bank, etc.–often mistake my name for Jay-Z. It’s the way it’s said, emphasis on the J and the SIE, the O often breezed by, as if embarrassed by it’s association with the rest of the letters (To be fair, about half the time I’m mistaken for a Jose, but I contend that’s because telemarketers can’t read).

I don’t correct these people when they make the Jay-Z mistake for one very good reason–I WANT to be mistaken for Jay-Z. Jay-Z (or the cool abbreviation, JZ) is super cool. I want to encourage associations between myself and the successful, to quote wikipedia, “hip-hop artist and businessman.” Let’s look at the perks of being confused with Jay-Z:

  • People assume I have mad musical ability.
  • I sometimes get free Rocawear products.
  • I could theoretically stab a record exec. and get away with it.
  • I get to watch the looks of excitement, then disappointment blossom on teenagers faces when they hear my name in public.
  • I get Beyonce by association.

Look at all of these things! All of these things are wonderful! Especially the disappointing teenagers part! Let’s compare this to perks of not being Jay-Z:

  • None.

Look at that! See that comparison? Now let’s look at the perks of being confused with Jose:

  • People yell at me Spanish.
  • People yell at me in Spanglish.
  • I get to watch the looks of excitement, then disappointment blossom on immigration officers face when they hear my name in public.

All in all, I think we can agree that being mistaken for Jay-Z is the best. So if one day, out of the blue, your receptionist tells you there’s a Jay-Z on the line, or your child confusedly says he took a message from Jay-Z, who wants her lawn mower back, don’t be startled. It’s just me, your friendly hip-hop artist and businessman, wanting to say hello.

Or get back my lawn mower.